It’s time to get Naughty… again.
Imagine going to a boardroom of big-wig CEOs at Sony and slamming down a design document screaming, “We’ve got an idea!” Fuck yeah, we do – a teddy bear with a machete cutting the literal stuffing out of some bitches. Buckle up, buddy, it’s time to get naughty.
Naughty Bear is a ridiculous game even by the PS3’s ‘anything goes’ standards. Someone took a look at LittleBigPlanet’s cutesy sack world and said, “What about that, but Friday the 13th?” I am so happy they did. It’s incredibly simple – a basic idea brought to life. What if we took a teddy bear and made them a mass-murdering slasher villain? These days, you’d be laughed out of the room. There’s no grit, no oomph to that story, and no revolutionary gameplay hook. But that doesn’t matter.
You can have your God of Wars, your Last of Us’, and other gritty tearjerkers, but a close-up kill-cam of a pissed-off teddy bear shoving their machete through an innocent cartoonish fluffy friend is pure, unfiltered fun. I like my games somber and lonely, long and treacherous, and rich with meaning. It’s artsy fun. But for every Oscar-bait film, I also like a stupid ‘80s horror about some idiot in a mask with a knife.
The catalyst for Naughty Bear’s story is that you don’t get invited to a birthday party. Any other kid would cry to mommy and that’d be the end of it. But not Naughty (yes, you’re called Naughty). No, they decide to grab a machete and go on the hunt. The idea is innocuous and would likely make for an interesting kid’s show – a teddy bear gets scorned by their friends and becomes an outcast.
It sounds like the start of a wholesome adventure, not a slasher spree. That’s what’s so special about it. And that extends to what you can do in the game. You’re not just wailing a weapon around – you can stuff other teddy bears into fridges, roar to terrify the town, and even pull out a bloody uzi. I thought Ted was crass, but here Naughty is with a submachine gun, getting one on his ‘friends’ for losing his invite in the mail. It’s like Agent 47 dons a teddy bear disguise, but he’s also somehow a child.
Comedy games are still a thing. It Takes Two was an all-too-real title about divorce, except for the fact it ended happily ever after, but it was chock full of hilarity and gags. Psychonauts 2 similarly juggled fun and emotional, striking a nice balance. But these are games built on pretty concrete ideas – a co-op about a married couple, a sequel to a cult platformer, etc. Give me those back of the mind thoughts you get in the shower, the kind that you should probably move on from pretty quickly – that’s the juicy stuff.
Dead Rising is another great example. Sure at its core, it’s a co-op arcade game about zombies, but look closer. What if we had Chuck running people down with a lawnmower-chainsaw combo? What about a vacuum cleaner that fires sawblades? It’s absurd. Someone had that thought and they put pen to paper and brought it to life. It doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t add any depth, and it isn’t exactly the most intelligent creation, but it’s silly fun that strikes a different chord.
But Naughty Bear’s gameplay wasn’t inventive or groundbreaking, it was a forgettable experience because of how similar it was to its inspirations. Yet the core idea that drives its foundation sets it apart. I still remember seeing a YouTuber running about this happy-go-lucky town, slaughtering a bunch of teddy bears that felt like they were ripped from a Saturday morning cartoon. It’s like f if Happy Tree Friends was less gory. I was hooked, so I picked it up and slid the disc in, finding a treasure trove of memories I still hold onto today. But PlayStation’s getting a little too serious. Everything has to be deeply moving, cinematic wank. I like cinematic wank, but I also like weird and out-there ideas with average execution. That’s what gaming is missing right now – it’s all wank and no filler.
James is a photo/news editor at TheGamer with bylines at IGN, VG247, NME, and more. You can contact him at [email protected].
