Diving Into The Weird World Of Esports Performance Foods – Cracked.com

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Sometimes, art is just kind of a side show and it’s all about the business.
And even if it weren’t real, it would still taste great.
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It was October of 2012 when full-time Kojima friend and part-time games journalist Geoff Keighley addressed the gaming world in a set filled with Doritos and Mountain Dew Product placement. That marked the first time in recorded history when things we reluctantly call food products crossed over into the gaming world. People reacted so poorly at the thought of gaming getting corrupted by brands that the event snowballed into something called “Doritosgate.” Nearly a decade later, we’re diving back to see how the food/gaming dynamic has evolved, and holy crap, we probably shouldn’t have ignored it for so long.
Know Your Meme
If even the regular boring sports need specialized supplements, then so do the much cooler, more physically demanding Esports. And since Esports hype grows larger by the day, we’re obviously seeing an equal rise in weird gamer foods. Just yesterday, Jobbie announced the discovery of the world’s first nut butter for gamers.
Jobbie, Zotac
While we’re not sure what Zotac, a gaming hardware manufacturer, had to teach Jobbie about peanut butter, we won’t complain because we don’t want Zotac pivoting into the crypto mining rig business out of pure spite. And sure, the branding looks dumb, but the thing looks just as delicious as regular PB&J (because that’s more or less what it is).
But how will I, a true gamer, be able to eat when there’s still no such thing as a gamer toast? Worry not! Jobbie knows gamers are monsters, so they made this one for you to eat by the spoonful, jelly already on the inside and all! Perfect pairing for Xbox’s grease-proof controller!
 
 
But those are just very mainstream examples of gaming foods. A whole scene of straight-up gaming supplements/nootropics scene already exists. There’s energy stuff, reflex stuff, and, most bafflingly, bulking stuff. And the names are all kinds of glorious.
Gamersupps
And if you want something truly hardcore …
Gamersupps
While we can’t really say whether these do anything regular supplements don’t already do, we can’t wait to follow up on this one with the inevitable advent of the gamer toilet paper.
Top Image: Gamersupps
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