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Time to get an expert opinion.
My puppy, Cosmo, is a wilful and endlessly energetic tornado, which is usually pretty entertaining, even when he’s destroying everything, but it might be nice if he chilled out for a wee while. My latest attempt to teach this adorable but obstinate hound some focus involves putting him to work for PC Gamer. His first task? His impressions of Pupperazzi, the dog photography game.
Cosmo lets me know he’s ready to play Pupperazzi by barking louder than any creature his size should be able to manage and knocking over his mostly-full water bowl. Or maybe he just wants out of his play pen. He’s loud, he’s amped and he definitely wants to tear into something. He’s ready to be a professional critic.
First stop: a quaint beach where we get some guidance from a small dog in a little raincoat. He sits in his deck chair at the top of the beach, looking over the area like he’s holding court. He’s gently bossy, and has a surprising amount of gravitas for a furball dressed like a tiny fisherman. If it wasn’t already clear, Pupperazzi is disgustingly cute.
Pretty quickly, more dogs get in touch, giving us a long list of straightforward objectives—snap the lighthouse, find a dog on a skateboard, take a photo of a stylish pooch—that earn us gold bones. Are they solid gold? Gold plated? And where are the dogs getting them? What do dogs even need gold for? I look to Cosmo for answers. He starts biting his tail and falls over.
Gold bones can be spent on new camera filters, lenses and toys at vending machines. Fortunately, dogs are pretty generous with their gold bones, so you’ll quickly collect a lot of helpful upgrades, and a genuinely harrowing selfie mode.
The mood changes when I start petting the dogs. Hungry for affection, a wee army of pooches fills the screen, and Cosmo is having none of it. He howls, grunts and sulks under my desk. He shouldn’t be jealous—pictures of happy dogs earn you more followers on Pupperazzi’s social media platform, dogNET, so I’m petting for clout.
Coaxing him out has to wait, as I find myself a bit preoccupied with a new filter, which is perfect for getting a classy shot of a dog on a yacht. Just look at this majestic seafarer getting ready for his picture.
When I try to get Cosmo’s take on the animation, he gives me a big slobbery kiss and then headbutts me. I don’t have a clue how to translate that, but he does keep staring at the bouncing dogs, transfixed, if only for a minute or two at a time. It’s very rare for him to stay still for any length of time unless he’s napping, so it’s probably a good sign.
Our striking photographs net us a whole bunch of new followers, but we still have to contend with the fickle nature of social media. Boring photos, too many photos in one day, too many dogs in the shot—they all generate criticism. I’m not convinced there is such a thing as posting too many cute dog pictures in quick succession, though followers of my real Twitter account would likely say otherwise.
New areas are unlocked as you amass more followers, each with the promise of more dogs and weird photo opportunities. The boardwalk, for instance, is filled with dogs who’ve gotten all dressed up for a day out. Boots, sunglasses, all sorts of snazzy hats—it’s lethal levels of whimsy, primed to explode in a shower of confetti and candyfloss. Just look at this stylish pooch.
Another disaster averted, we settle into a nice groove: him chilling out under my desk while I snap dogs, or sitting on my lap while I show him how to take photos. Now, dogs don’t have the dexterity to use a mouse and keyboard, but those little paws are great at moving the mouse on its own, and slapping the button to take a picture. Here’s a lovely sports-themed one he took himself. So proud.
We’re taking in the boardwalk after bringing it back to life when Cosmo starts to get extremely hyper. The lad loves a boardwalk. Unable to contain his excitement, he jumps onto my desk, gives a little triumphant howl and knocks over a glass of orange squash.
Cosmo and I both appreciate the dress-up system, since I love dogs in costumes, and he’d much rather I pester any other dog with my fashion crimes.
Juice incident aside, this is the most focused I’ve seen Cosmo pretty much ever, so I’m counting that as a recommendation from my furry pal. And while my opinion doesn’t matter nearly as much as his, I had a lovely time, with only some wee UI niggles, like not being able to pin objectives, getting in the way of the good vibes. I would gladly spend my entire life just taking photos of excellent dogs.
All the photos you save can be found in the Pupperazzi folder in AppData. Here are a few of my faves.
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